Self

I am at that point in life where I don’t have anything to look forward to. I am 30 and single with an uneventful life. My social life is limited to work because I live alone and hardly have actual friends with whom I would love to hang out. I am feeling stuck. I know I need to change but I find it hard to break out of my routine. Where should I begin? – Stuck forever

Dear Stuck,

It is true that some of us have felt, at some point in our lives, that we’re in a rut and doing the same things over and over with the same people and not feeling satisfied with our existence.

It’s at this point that we must make a choice to either keep doing what we’re doing and hope that things will miraculously change or take the initiative and change things for ourselves.

Change can be scary. For a while now, you have become familiar with your life. This is your safety and boredom. To overcome your monotonous lifestyle and your negative outlook on the future as you not having “anything to look forward to,” it is important that you first change your impression of yourself.

It seems to me that you are presently drowning in negative self-talk, something that may have lead you to procrastination and is preventing you from making the changes needed. For example, saying that “I don’t have anything to look forward to” (a self-fulfilling prophecy that fuels procrastination and resists change) can be reframed to “I will find something worthy to look forward to” (acts as motivation for change and growth). The latter one is an affirmation.

Affirmations are phrases, which when said repeatedly, create mental images inspiring and motivating actions. Louise Hay, a pioneer of the self-development field, is known for her affirmations as a tool to bring about positive change in people. According to Hay, it is important to love yourself and to empower yourself for change to occur. I recommend that you say and believe in the following affirmations every morning, noon, and evening (or whenever you feel a bit down):

  • “All I seek is within me”
  • “I choose to feel good about myself each day. Every day I remind myself that I can make the choice to feel good”
  • “My heart is open. I allow my love to flow freely. I love myself. I love others and others love me.”

Once you begin to believe that you love yourself, are loved by others, and can love others, this would give you motivation and confidence to set goals for yourself. Ask yourself, “Which type of people would I love to hang out with?” Take your responses and look up groups that have people with similar interests on Meetup.com, for example. On the way to these meetups, you could say the following affirmation: “All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come. I am safe!”

As you love yourself more, you will be motivated to ‘get out there’ more, meet more quality people, and have many more things to look forward to.

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