Dear Dr. Faizal,
My ex-wife left me in July. We had an arranged wedding last February in India. She was good for the first two months when we were together, then I left for Canada to resume my job. But when she came to Canada through spousal sponsorship, her behaviour changed and she always found reasons to leave and never made me a priority. I cannot get over her, what should I do?
– Stressed Out Boy
Dear Stressed Out Boy,
Your story is not a mere boy meets girl, boy loses a girl, boy finds girl and lives happily ever after. If it was as simple as this, I could suggest ways for you to help your partner assimilate better into Canadian culture and tools for you to build a more loving and trusting bond with her.
What I’m sensing here (and I could be way off base) is that you placed your trust in a woman you hardly knew and she may have taken advantage of your innocence and willingness to nurture a life with her – as husband and wife.
As a husband (now, ex-husband), it sounds admirable and even romantic when you say that you cannot “get over her.” It’s obvious that you are experiencing a loss. It’s not pleasant to be jilted by a lover. But, at the same time, you must look at your situation practically. What can’t you get over – that she was “good” in India, soon after marrying you, only to find reasons to leave you once she ‘got her papers’ in Canada? Doesn’t this sound like a bad Bollywood movie on how to leave India for greener pastures – at all expenses?
You need to act to protect yourself first. You must make yourself the priority at this time. I’d err on the side of caution: you should determine if your marriage was a plan to use you to immigrate to Canada. If it was, the Canadian government refers to this situation as immigration fraud. You may read about this at canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/protect-fraud/marriage-fraud.html. I would educate yourself about your financial obligations regarding the person you sponsored and the other potential legal and ethical considerations in your case. Contacting a good immigration lawyer to review your options would also be something you could consider.