Dear Dr. Faizal,

My wife and I have been married for over 24 years, and she has never performed oral sex on me. She knows that I would enjoy it but has always said she is shy to try. Now that our 25th wedding anniversary is around the corner, she wants to give me oral sex as my present. I’m so excited at the very thought of this! How can I help her be comfortable with this?

– I’m so excited

Dear I’m so excited,

Congratulations on your upcoming 25th wedding anniversary!

I think it’s wonderful that after all these years your wife is still thinking of your needs and is now willing to give you this special gift. It is important that she, without any pressure from you, is the one who wants to learn more about cunnilingus.

Besides the Victorian guilt and shame associated with “going down” on someone, other possible deterrence may also need to be dealt with. Some women complain that giving oral sex is “dirty” or that semen tastes and smells bad, while some others do not like the pubic hair which may get stuck to their tongue. Yet others fear that semen is unhealthy. To diffuse these concerns, before your love-making, you could have a shower, paying special attention to washing your genitals thoroughly. Perhaps you could shave or trim your pubic hair. You could also apply some tasty lubricant gel or cream to avoid any strong smell.

An interesting fact: semen, in fact, is healthy. It contains water, fructose, minerals, protein, and 60% of the daily recommended vitamin C. Nonetheless, comfort your wife by telling her that you will not ejaculate in her mouth. Now that is taken care of, you’d like your partner to slowly feel more comfortable with your penis – something that you both would derive pleasure from. The next couple of times you are in bed, she could hold and play with your manhood. Give her a small paintbrush and paint (water-soluble, please) and let her turn your penis into her ‘friend.’ Ask her to name her new friend. In the following days, your wife could begin to kiss, and then to lick, your specimen. If your wife is still comfortable with the pace, and if no recognizable conflicts arise, then she could insert the head of your penis in the following nights.

Know that during this process, your wife will require validation from you. Tell her how good you feel about the attention she’s giving you and how excited you are getting by watching her. If you are enjoying it so much that you’re at a loss for words, simply moan out your pleasure. Trust me, she’ll know what’s going on. As your wife begins to recognize that you are appreciating her efforts, she will feel sexy and develop the confidence to experiment more.

Now, after celebrating your wedding anniversary with such a ‘bang,’ with your wife’s permission, find other days to celebrate – make fulfilling sexual curiosity a game that could keep you and your wife busy for at least another 25 years!

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